…is not always easy.  The next chapter is sometimes a faster read than the previous….and a lot of judgment and I-told-you-so’s and you-should-have’s and you-oughta’s are always offered from the people around you. Embarassing? Indeed. But what can you possibly do to change what people think or say or feel about you and your decisions in life? Nothing. You can only dust off your pains and move on….focusing on the next clean sheet of paper.

(“Naked But Safe”- By Amatorka–www.deviantart.com)

As for me? I bare my soul through my words. I see it as a carthartic way to rid myself of hurt and pain. I always say I wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions on my face…and in times of distress, discomfort, anger, or despair… the tears will flow. It’s not something I can control….it just happens. But with writing, I have no hesitations, no fears, no stuttering or getting choked up…no…with writing…I am courageous and outspoken and eloquent and clear-headed. With writing I “vent” and show the world my naked emotions that I cannot otherwise express. It is nothing to be mocked or ridiculed… it is merely my process.

Recently, as I am sure you can all tell…the winds have taken quite a tumultous turn in my life. I have not been able to fully realize the lesson being taught and I only hear my own heartbreak and indecision. But someone told me “I know I am going to be happy no matter what…I make sure of that over anybody and anything.”  I have felt less and less like the person I once was and that is my biggest heartbreak… that I have failed myself and my own heart.

So, in saying this…in laying my soul out in green italics…I move on. I look out for MY happiness…for MY heart. I am nobody’s second choice…nor am I anyone’s punching bag or afterthought. I am my own worst enemy and my first obstacle…but I am also my first responsibility and first priority. I hold no grudges nor do I hate…I love still… I love immensely and deeply…but as you all can tell.. the biggest downfall of a poet is love…so now what to do…what to do??? 

I sunk to low levels… but I rise again…

…..Moving on…..

(“Change the World”- By SchwesterVon2–www.deviantart.com)

The revolution at hand…
is through my pen…
and I am it’s author…
Let us break down walls…
with thought…
and teach the words to our youth…
so they may stand and speak for themselves.

(“Languish in Anguish”- By ChrissieCool–www.deviantart.com)

Swept up in the movements of our love…
Knowing my worth but lessening my value,
with the hopes of profitting from the connection I had with you.

What the universe says in response
is a restraint on the arms
that only wanted to hold you.
I know this is wrong….
finally seeing the dim in the light of your eyes…
I cry waves of salted water
that sting wounds you have reopened.

There is nothing worse than opening your eyes after a kiss…
only to see someone’s truest colors….
Clothing me in my own anguish…
I swallow my pride and dig deeper…
until every wall that surrounds me is you…
Every corner I try to hide in is an angle of your face.

I know better than this.

I am better than this.

But my yearning for your presence
is an ache that makes me screech
at the stars that have crossed us.

I feel every comparison in the marrow of my bones…
every time my smile or my laugh didn’t match hers
is a pinprick of distance,
a hairline fracture that separated us further.

And now my heart is a pulsing wound
that bleeds ink onto paper…
but leaves me with no resolution to the pain
that resonates in every single word.

I swam against the current…
pulled myself from the white rapids of one love…
only to fling myself head first into your hurricane.

And now…

I’m in the eye of the storm…
and there is no calm…
just pain and tears and confusion…
Howling winds of despair…
and me…
Fetal and insecure…

alone…

Surrounded by you.

I’ve posted about UpScene Clothing before but I wanted to put forth info on their new spring ’09 collection being sold at the following locations:

 WEST NYC Boutique @ 147 West 72nd street

Heart Art Store @ 132 West 18th street

Here are just some of the images from their Spring ’09 Look Book:

The spring collection, described by co-founder Sean McKenzie:
“Upscene is aware of the many changes of our society’s landscape since our previous season. Without going into detail about the negative, we wanted to pay homage to our hometown that’s been hit hard during rough times. Understanding that NY is international grounds and all is effected by our reactions, we wanted to interject energy into our latest collection. To give NYers and others across the globe a reason to look up.

Stay UP NY! displays vibrant colors and thought provoking themes that would make anyone proud of their own resilience. Adding both style and substance to the streetwear game, look for this collection to be a window to the future of Upscene.”

SUPPORT LOCAL ARTISTS & ENTREPRENEURS!!!!!

Interested?

Check out UpScene clothing at the below links:

www.upscenities.com

www.myspace.com/upsceneclothingnyc

Follow them on Twitter @UpsceneNYC

& their Facebook group page:

http://www.facebook.com/groups.php?id=826688544#/group.php?gid=32503231095

I have always found Maxwell a beautiful specimen of the male species. LOL. I loved him with his long ‘fro, but recently, he has cut it all off and I have to say, he is quite delectable either way. 

SiGh…Look @ that gorgeous smile of his…. <3
Ladies, stare as long as you’d like…. Yummers!
)

Right under my feet there’s air made of bricks
Pulls me down turns me weak for you
I find myself repeating like a broken tune
And I’m forever excusing your intentions
And I give in to my pretendings
Which forgive you each time
Without me knowing
They melt my heart to stone

And I hear your words that I made up
You say my name like there could be an us
I best tidy up my head I’m the only one in love
I’m the only one in love

“If what Proust says is true, that happiness is the absence of fever, then I will never know happiness. For I am possessed by a fever for knowledge, experience, and creation.”

(“Siren”- By FaerieNymph–www.deviantart.com)

The pieces came together in guitar riffs
lined with black velvet and twilight
that etched melodies into my soul.
He swallowed my heart and there it sat…
Deep in the ocean of his belly…
I floated on honeyed waves of affection…
grasped onto billows of sweet nothings that foamed at the shores of my mind…

His love had washed away the sanded footprints of past heartaches…
He held me and I leaned into the mountains of his shoulders,
kissing the soft meadows behind his ears.
Entranced in a natural love,
Organically enamored…

I ignore the song of the siren that calls him…
Her beautiful face a reflection in his waters…
a part of him always…
Her silken voice the one still beckoning him….

I see the tempted glances over shoulders
and wish I could veil the stars over his eyes
so he can only see me…
speckled with diamonds and offering a love so strong…
it causes whirlpools to spin and eddy so fast…
that it drowns her song out…

And then it’s only us…
dancing to the ink-black velvet riffs
we created in moonlit melodies of our love.

(“Set Free”- By *Queen Uriel–www.deviantart.com)

Deep eyes with cool intentions
Never a promise made…
I fell for the road’s smooth and warm pavement…
Fast and free…
I was cruising.

Never promised I would be a caged bird with painted feathers…
I wrote my feelings on pages of lined smoke…
Saw them disappear and float above me…
out of reach….
And all the while you expected me to know your silent intentions?

I had always known the iced barnacles of your heart…
had you frozen long before I arrived…

So, I spread my arms out and laughed at the breeze..
that whistled through my curls,
as I fell asleep on the island of his body,
wishing you gone…
because now you were stomping on delicate territory…

I love now.
I love with abandon…
embrace with passion…
Indulging in his kiss…
Nothing else matters….

This is a phenomenal movie based on the life  of surrealist painter, Frida Kahlo, played brilliantly by Salma Hayek. The visuals and the soundtrack lend itself to the story and the art follows the course of Kahlo’s life almost chronologically. I am a huge fan of Salma Hayek and this film, which she was nominated for an Oscar, is to me, some of her best work (yeah, even the strip tease in “From Dusk Til Dawn” does not compare, guys! LOL). If you haven’t seen it, you should peep this.

I officially stopped watching America’s Next Top Model consistently back when Eva won….but while I was hanging out at my boyfriend’s house the other night, flipping channels, this pic came on the screen. Her eyes are so beautiful in this shot and if you know me, you know that yellow is my favorite color! How beautiful does it look against her complexion? Fierce!

“God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I’ve ever met.”

…In honor of Farrah Fawcett and her battle with cancer…We Love you, Farrah!…

I am all about layering scents… it creates a unique scent that is truly your own. I use this before I spray on my Chanel No. 5 and I love it… soft and warm and yummy, it is classic… what girl doesn’t wanna smell like vanilla? <3

(“The Only One Who Sees My Soul- By ShadowCatV10- www.deviantart.com) 

A spitfire without direction…
He called me out…
Cooled me off…
with a mirror…
“See yourself through someone else’s eyes.”

And the moment struck a chord.

A pyramid of questions fell like dominoes..
overwhelming and suffocating…
Who in fact was I choosing to be?

Half sunrise, half moonlit…
I juggled my identity…
swallowed who I had wanted to be…
Kept it inside until it grew like an embryo…
and was birthed through my tears…
Rose petal fingertips…
a mind of silver…
a heart of iron that pulses red hot…
a spirit of cornflower blue…

And this other me is standing now
as if my mirror’s reflection…
asking…
if I want to take this pen back.

“Be like a flower and turn your face to the sun.”

Given into the sound of the tide within the shell of his body…
I dreamt he held what was never there…
The crashing waves of passion I thought I heard…
were merely the echoes of lost inspiration.
I found I was being pulled from myself…
by the strong riptides of his seduction…
And there I floated,
like strewn rose petals
On the crests of the ocean of my own heart….
delicate,
fragile,
and forgotten…

In these photos from a shoot for the May2009 issue of Singapore’s Harper Bazaar, Eva Longoria channels Josephine Baker and the 20′s art deco look… check her out…

(“Falling Into You”- By PhatPuppy–www.deviantart.com)

I indulge in the sweet release of your embrace…
Holding me close…
I can caress the smooth pearls of your galaxies that house a soul too big for me…
I am in awe of the weight of our moments together…
Solving my own equations with your heartbeat.
Feeling the honeysuckle of your lips against the very grain of my chipped heart…

I was wooden…
Unmoved and staring out to a sea of life waiting…
Content again with the thudding of my own feet,
as I walked to the precipice of my evolution…

And your face…
So bright, reflected in the glimmering shallows of the ocean waves below…
Beckoning me with the intimate comfort of rough hands on smooth thighs…

I shudder in catharsis against the simplicity of us…
Toes curling on the shattered edges of youthful naivete…
As I stare down into the sincere ocean of your eyes…
Promises of an effort and a passion I can’t put to words…

My fingers play with the breeze of my own spirit…
Flowing through my refreshed golden aura…
Newly alive with encouraging sea salt sprays…
I breathe deeply…

and fall into you.

Very Marilyn Monroe, a vamped-up Scarlett Johansson looks breathtaking in these photos from the 2009 Dolce and Gabbana ads. Absolutely beautiful!